About Me: A gamer geek, college student that still lives with his mother. I frequently spend my time unemployed doing the following things: drinking mountain dew, failing at online dating, playing Halo (until mom took it away), and generally mooching off of my friends. I also write cheesy guitar songs during the day, which I hope someday might convince a girl to like me. (In my defense I watch a lot of B-movies and films by Judd Apatow.)
Have reliable transportation to work?
If mom decides to drive me then yes.
Legal US Citizen?
Yes, at least I hope so.....
Willing to Relocate?
For minimum wage? Hell no, unless that location is Hawaii and my manager is a hot nudist babe. If you offer that I will work for free!
Required Pay?
1Mill./month would work out nicely. In return for this compensation I will lay waste to the US economy and tell you to micromanage better. Try using the criticism sandwich? I hear it works wonders in marketing...
If not then minimum wage will allow me to at least stay in destitute hell....
Reason For Post: I don't want to be a hobo by next week. Mom says I either "get off my dead ass or get out."
Job Experience: None to speak of. Mom wouldn't allow it in high school. (Maybe she thought I would get money -> get popular -> get laid? And we all know that's a bad thing...) For the sake of my dignity (hah!) lets just say I'm "new to the jobs market" and leave it at that.
Skills Include: 1337 hax, pwnz, and other such "lulz". I can build you a website, beat you at games, and then top that off with a round of Code Red. I also caption a mean kitten on lolcats if you are interested. Anyone?
Dream Job: Crooked CEO, crime boss, or president would be nice. Anyone hiring for a Ponzi scheme? I make a good "fall guy" or so I'm told. If not, then I'm willing to settle for minimum wage and a paper hat while I flip burgers.
Other Jobs Applied For:
McDonald's (In two locations) - Both said "not hiring". One manager even gave me the good old "head shake" today when I checked the status of my application. As in "I feel sorry for you, you loser." If only I was handsome enough to be a McDonald's manager, but alas such dreams are out of my reach. I'm cursed with this full head of hair, youthful glow, and height over 6 foot tall. If only I were middle aged, with a paunch, and balding. I just know I would make the cut then.
Wendy's - Exact words and tone were as follows: WE ARE OUT OF APPLICATIONS! :-(
Dairy Queen: I turned the app in but judging from the staff I don't think I fit the owner's bill. (The place was packed with 16 yr old girls slinging hot fudge sundaes.) Sometimes life requires a great set of jailbait tits.
Long John Silver's: My friend's the night manager but that still wasn't enough to save this train wreak. Turns out that the owner was there that day and thought I wouldn't "work out" for some reason. Maybe mom was right, I should have smiled more and stood taller. (The owner wasn't actually present at the time, she just was out back smoking a pack of Newports. I know this because as me and mom drove off, I witnessed her hock a spit past the drive up intercom. Real classy, too bad I don't live up to those amazing standards...)
The list continues so I'll cut it off here...
So anyway, if you would like to hire me I will be taking ANY positions available. My boundaries include but are not limited to: sexual jobs (i.e. craigslist type shit), being a Walmart greeter (i.e. humiliating type shit), and being homeless (i.e. hobo type shit). I need money in order to take a girl out to more than McDonald's and walking around town. Also, I need transportation DESPERATELY! A car would be nice, but I would settle for a bike if necessary. Perhaps even a skateboard with a large dog pulling it.....
You may think this is a joke, but it isn't. My mom is really going to kick me out and nobody seems to be hiring losers at the moment. Please help me :-(
I speak English and will take minimum wage. What more do you freakin' want?
- Location: NWI
- it's ok to contact this poster if you are a potential employer or other principal
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job seeker.
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests